So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
