a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
