Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
