Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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