You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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