How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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