white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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