bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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