Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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