I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
