Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
