mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
