My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
