I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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