proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
