idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
