Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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