If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i may or may not be watching the land before time
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
