The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
