i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
