So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dick very happy bro
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
