Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
