i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
