So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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