i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
