The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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