We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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