I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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