this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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