we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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