Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
