he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
