when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
