Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
