It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
