i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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