I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i've created a new STD.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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