I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
