Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
grandma shit on top of the toilet
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
