just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just want to make out with him forever
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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