He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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