had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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