Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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