it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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