I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She bit a glass in half.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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