I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
MIDGETS
????
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
