You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
