so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
