is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
