I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
