I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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